Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
