it wasn't lemon gatorade
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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