i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
