I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Randomize
