All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
