youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
