i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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