Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
