I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
