So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i barfeds in our rink
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
