She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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