WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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