I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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