I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
