i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
