you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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