she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
