MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
