Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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