Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
