I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
