We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Welp...herpes.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
