She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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