1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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