i think my tv is drunk
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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