dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
