He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
