at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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