Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
