I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i now understand why vodka
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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