I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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