You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
