he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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