:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
