So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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