So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The uberlube is also flammable
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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