this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
