Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
