you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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