He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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