These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
