i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
