Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
