i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
