There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
