I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
