Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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