he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
