drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she peed on how many people?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
