I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
