She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
