Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
