shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
